It’s only me again!
Thirty Three! For the first and probably only time this substack (if posts were years) is the same age as me! Happy Birthday to absolutely no one as it’s neither my birthday or the birthday of this substack. BUT happy matching age publication to all!
OK FINE I’ll name it. This is no longer a weekly post. I couldn’t keep up babes. I just couldn’t. I’m trying for fortnightly. And really, at the end of the day, what else can I do but try? What can any of us do but try?
How are you (aside from being gravely disappointed by my lack of output)? Oh kay! Wowza, that’s big! I’m pleased for you and the journey you’re on.
What have I been eating this week?
Thanks for asking!
Tuna Pasta Salad
The sun came out and I thought “I NEED TO EAT A TUNA PASTA SALAD IMMEDIATELY” and so that is what I did.
Here are some pros and cons of TPS:
TPS Pros
Easy to make- minimal cooking
Mostly store cupboard ingredients
Versatile
Make a huge batch and eat throughout the week- keeps VERY WELL
Delicious
TPS Cons
lol there are none
To be very clear, I know you know how to make Tuna Pasta Salad (I keep saying salad by the way to differentiate from Tuna Pasta Bake (TPB)). I’m not reinventing the wheel here. I’m just showing you the wheel. Wheels are great and so is tuna pasta salad. But here is how I made it when I had an absolute HANKERING and it turned out real tasty so you could do it too if you liked.
Tuna Pasta Salad (Hel’s Version)
TPS(HV)
You will need (for a big old batch)
500g pasta (any short shape, I used bows for a laugh and because I like how the middle of the bow always stays a bit chewy and also they look like bows how charming)
2 tins of tuna (you can use fancy tuna here but just normal is fine obviously make sure its not the sort of tuna that kills dolphins cause they’re ever so sweet with their big smiley mouths)
2 to 3 big handfuls of sweetcorn (frozen or tinned)
1 big red pepper
1/3 of a red onion, or some shallots or spring onions
salt and pepper OBVIOUSLY
1/2 a lemon
1 big glob of mayonnaise
chilli flakes (optional)
1 handful of gherkins (not optional and a game changer)
any soft herbs you have (mint, dill, chives, parsley if you don’t hate parsley (I hate parsley so much))
You must
lob your pasta into some salted water and cook until just cooked (you don’t want al dente cause we ain’t cooking this in a sauce but also you don’t want it soggy and floppy cause no one wants that)
chop up your onion very small- put it in the bowl you will eventually mix everything together in and squeeze over your half lemon. This should stop it being too ONIONY.
chop up your pepper very small
chop up your gherkins medium small
chop up your herbs any size you like
drain your pasta and run it under some cold water
absolutely hurl everything, yes everything, into the bowl with the onions and mix it up so nicely (you could also add some nice quality extra virgin (lol) olive oil here if that’s your sort of thing)
crack a shit ton of black pepper on top and sprinkle some nice flakey salt on there too (I cannot tell you how long it just took me to find the word “sprinkle”- little peek behind the curtain there into my broken down brain)
Also sprinkle on the chilli flakes.
Gobble it down you tuna monster!!!
This really does keep very well for at least three days. You can add or subtract anything you like. Those fried onions that come in a pot would be good. Things in jars work well- olives would be good, capers too. Sun-dried tomatoes or hell, artichokes if you’re RICH. What I like about this particular TPS is that it’s very bright and fresh. More jarred things mean a bit more tangy which is lovely just BE AWARE.
Things I would not add are tomatoes and cucumbers because they make sandwiches soggy as fuck and they will do exactly the same to this. Don’t give them the opportunity.
That’s all for TPS!
And that’s actually all for this week. I have some music recs but they’ll be coming at you next week in the form of a list because lists are easy to write and consume so everyone’s a winner FOR ONCE.
BEFORE I GO ACTUALLY
How about bookshops?! You been in a bookshop recently?? Those places are chok-a-block full of books. And those books?! Stuffed full of all sorts mate. Here is my thought process approx. every time I walk into a book shop
“Ah man, books are so great, I should buy a load of books"
“Imagine if I wrote a book!”
“….hang on, I’ve been reading the same book for about three months now and I have a list of books I need to read- both recreationally and also to better myself and to better acquaint myself with this vastly complex world which I, and all humankind, inhabit. I must get through all of those books and then I can buy a book. Maybe I actually shouldn’t buy a book- the last time I bought I book I took it to Sweden and left it there”.
“Oh no. Oh dear oh dear. There is so much to know and so much to read. I have barely read anything. I am an idiot. I have no time! There is too much to consume! I will never read even a millionth of everything there is to read. Not to mention all the films I’ll never see, the great music I’ll never hear, the art I’ll never stare at in galleries I’ll never visit. OUT BRIEF CANDLE”
At this point, I’ve run out of the bookshop and my head is on fire from all my big thoughts.
What do you think about bookshops?! Sound off in the comments!!
See ya!
Be kind to yourself this week. You really deserve it. You also deserve everything good that this troubled world has to offer. It’s yours for the taking. Reach out! Take it! (but only if taking it doesn’t hurt anyone else or the world itself-mmkay?).
I love you like the desert loves the rain. And I wish I saw you more, like the desert wishes it saw the rain more. I am the desert. You are the rain.
Goodbye.
I’m also 33!!!! Feeling so relevant
Lunch solved! Bring on the tuna.